i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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