just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Randomize
