I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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