Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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