his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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