It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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