Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
