i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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