I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
