Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize