Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Randomize