Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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