I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
