you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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