I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
