on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
