After last night, I could never be a politician.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Randomize
