Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
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