around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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