shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize
