FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
