In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
