i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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