drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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