I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
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