remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
