Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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