you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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