Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
