I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
