We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
