I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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