so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
