So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Randomize
