do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
