Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
