the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
