I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Randomize
