I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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