He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
