So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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