Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
