I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
