Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
