you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
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