i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
