I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
