tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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