This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
