i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
