Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
