Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
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