Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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