When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Randomize
