You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
