i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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