I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
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