Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Boobs are out for the taking
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize