there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
