Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
