I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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