you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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