you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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