I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
