no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
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