I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
