the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
You may now shotgun with the bride
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Randomize
