new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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