i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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