I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Best friends brother. Beat that.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
