We named our party play list daddy issues
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
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