I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
And then my night got REAL pukey
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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