Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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