So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
