you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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