Heybabeimwearingurpanties
are you so shy because you have an std?
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
