I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
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