hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
