She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
